journey of life

Work and marriage life

2011-11-06T13:38:00.003+08:00

I miss my exboss!
Another two months have passed. Been busy till do not have enough time to write at all.After married around 5 months, the most popular question is "when are u planning to have kids?","are u pregnant?". Parents and frens all asking on this question. Stress giler. Guess not that fast, it has to be natural,right? Trust me, I am working hard on it. Hopefully, soon. When u are married, your school frens wont come to look for you anymore, same scenerio with unimates. Thats the difference between a single and married life. I no longer spending the time to online after work but I spend time cooking and watching tv together with my hubby, feeding my dog,and cleaning up the house. Cleaning and tidying up the house seems like a never ending task. Anyway, although there are always obstacles, but now, i know there is always someone there to support me. Arguments is unavoidable but we learn to tolerate with each other. It seriously not easy as we have gone ups and downs till the part we decided to tied the knot. There are a few times, I want to give up on the relationship but the truth is, if you really love someone, u wont easily give up one. Regarding work, it has been hell. Work like shit, stress giler and in the end, u find out your boss doesnt appreciate your work. This year has been a really hell for me at work ever since my exboss tender her resignation on May 2011. Life has been hell ever since this new boss of mine takes over. He is damn kiamsap type one till the extend, on my birthday, he never want to share the birthday cake but he still eats the cake. Thick skin,right? Really fed up with him especially he didnt promote me in Sept this year. False promises was given, and i just gave him a deaf ears. Teruk and cilaka boss!

Officially Mrs Teh, a wife, a housekeeper , and a dog caretaker

2011-08-05T11:50:00.002+08:00

Read my title..yea, it has been almost 3 months that we officially get married. It is suppose to be a series of happiness but it turns out to be a series of unfortunate events. In summary, our house was break in during our honeymoon, I had a serious car accident in June and thank god, it was the end of the series(I hope so). Our wedding day in Melaka was a good one with nice weather and surrounded by our beloved ex Digizen frens and my uni mates, family , and relatives. Eeverything went smooth and as for the Ipoh wedding, it was great also except there are a few of my frens unable to attend in the last minute. Not going to elaborate much on the house break in as it was seriously a nightmare and something I wont want to think about further. The car accident was horrified too. Well, I adopt a puppy to guard the house in the future and his name is lucky. My neighbours hated him but I thank god he was slightly better than the legendary "Marley".Need to stop as lazy to write further. Looking forward to go back Ipoh tomorrow...

Weee...Getting married

2011-04-13T16:52:00.002+08:00

Walaoweh, cant believe it has been three months. The number of events happen...everything was so rush.Yes, one of the biggest event of my life is coming very soon. Everything was decided that it should be held on the 30 oct 2011 but unfortunely, my mum in law passed away two months back. Well, the month of Feb was a nightmare for both of us. It is suppose to be a happy month due to we are getting registered on 27 Feb 2011 but things turn out badly for my mother in law(it was future mother in law at that time).The rushing to the hospital, the medical bills(the amount really freaks me out), the shouting and yelling at each other, the crying. I didnt even enjoy CNY at all due to she was admitted to hospital on 1st day and the discharge on 2nd day of CNY and went back in on third day of cny.Words actually cant describe my feeling and what I been through that month. The burden and sadness was much more heavier for my hubby.On the last day of CNY, it was all so sudden. My hubby rush back all the way and I cant fall asleep at all and the news came through my hp that she passed away. I feel sad , very sad although I met her few times only . I told myself, think positive, at least she no longer suffering.Her medical bills accumulated up to 30k. Well, decision was made that wedding will be held on 15 May 2011 and my side will be 21 May 2011. Although sad but reality is cruel, life jus have to go on. I am sure she is happy that someone can take good care of her son(she did mention this before).

Well, our registration was very simple. Pre wedding pics taken....and I am nervous/excited...It is around 1 month more only. No time to diet...become fat fat bride...no choice..

End of year 2010...

2010-12-31T20:13:00.003+08:00

Wow, cant believe it is actually the end of 2010 already. In 4 hours, it will be the beginning of a new year. New start...Well, time to reflect back on the important events this year. Hmmm...Well,the start of the year was horrible with my manager giving me mental torture on the way he handles the team. Besides that, the amount of bonus for this year was very dissapointing. The next suprise Digizen in Technology has is the re org. Everyone was suprised with the announcement. Then I receive the news that my manager is leaving. Yes, "finally" ,thats what my heart says. The arriving of new manager to handle my team was kinda of hard to accept. Being a person that is difficult to accept anything new, my mind was set to "I dun like him at all. Please f**k off if you cant show your abilities to be my head". Well, i against of everything he said. Every single thing at first but as time passed, I need to be "hipokrit" to survive. I need my manager to help me in my career path, my appraisal so it is time to accept the fact that I have to live with him and be nice to him.Well,I finally fit in and comfortable. And just when I feel comfortable with everything, there is this manager approach my manager to request me to join her team. Lady boss....omg..but her team is doing something different from my current team.Due to I want to change my job scope, I want to enhance my technical knowledge, I decided to join her team. Yes, my team members classify me as "traitor". Even my manager also think in such a way. I am sorry but I need to move on , to add market value to myself. If you are in my shoes, u will think the same way. So 2010, I have gone through 3 managers in total. As for relationship, there are times I cried and cried due to arguements with my bf especially on the preparation of the new house conflicting with my ipoh trip. Luckily , everything was ok due to we love each other and dun want to give up on the relationship. I think that is what makes the relationship grow stronger. After everything we went through, we finally decided to tie the knot next year. I was still young but was ready to settle down due to I am very sure he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Ok, resolution list

1) getting registered and married. Registered on 27 Feb 2011. Married on 30 Oct 2011.
2)enhance and add market value to myself by proactive in all my tasks/projects
3)I want to buy house....
4)I want money money money for marriage
5) Money again to buy gold for my nephew, niece, younger sis
6)Bonus
7)I need to slim down!! Cant fit into wedding gown
8)I want my wedding pics all nice
9)Stay healthy
10)Cook more variety for my future hubby.

Feeling happy

2010-09-05T19:18:00.002+08:00

yo, it has been months i last updated here. Yea, reading back my previous post i realised that I was sad that time therefore causing me to rant a lot. Anyway, things are very much better now. Work..hmmm...not much to say but lots of things to do and learn a lot of new things.There was a decision to be made whether I would want to extend my knowledge but I am still considering. There is a rival at work which makes me really pissed off but life just have to go on. As for relationship, er..not badlah...so far I am happy. There are always ups and down but it is those challenges that make the relationship stronger. The shouting, yelling, crying , it is something essential in a relationship. Money is always a problem. Never enough. Why why? After two years of working, I still earning very little only woh. How ar? Get married and depend on husband? Nah, I dont like the idea of depending on husband. Need to be independent. When can I earn a lot of money. I tired of looking at the account book seeing that my saviings never grow. How can it grow when I start to save some and then I use more than that amount after a few months? I start to freak out already on this as the people surrounding me is saving a lot of money but I on the other hand, money keep reducing..Haih...

Ranting again...

2010-06-27T20:04:00.002+08:00

4 weeks din update blog. What to do? I no longer got time to blog during my lunch time. Time is fully utilized nowadays till there is no time to read newspaper online.Workload was very heavy compare to last time. Ask me whether I am happy about it, I am neutral because I learn a lot of things compare to last time but there are sometimes, i get very stress up. Being someone who doesnt have good social skill and my "pretender" skills totally zero, I think i offended a lot of people when I am in bad mood. I admit I not those type easily get along with, and recently, I been having some problem with certain people. The higher your hope, the faster u feel disappointed.What I want to say your action reflects your attitude.Well, hell yea, i feel insecure, I have no idea what is on your mind.i wonder sometimes whether I am important to you. So ended up, I keep crying and crying each time I think of you. Who wants to go endure this kind of pain? What the point of crying?Yea, my rational mind knows it is not use but I just a normal human being. Not a machine which have no emotions. I feel lost, dont know what to do but extremely sad. I know life have to go on, therefore I wonder if going for a break will helps. As usual, budget very tight but I can still afford to go near place for two days, one night. Still got enough annual leave for that. Where should I go? Genting Highlands?

Time to change

2010-05-24T21:00:00.002+08:00

Re organisation already complete. New ways of handling things,processes therefore it is time to accept new challenges. I am not sure whether i can do it but will try my best.I learn new things quite often so I am quite happy.During this transition period, there are many things to be done therefore the working hours fully utilized. Looking forward to deal things in a different way.

There are times...

2010-05-07T17:34:00.000+08:00

There are times when I feel like crying ,
There are times when I feel that I'm breaking down,
There are times when I feel that it is end of the world,
Thats the time, I wonder where are u?

There are times I feel there is empty place in my heart,
There are times I feel so sad that I feel pain in my heart,
There are times I feel that everyone is against me,
Thats the time I need you to be there for me

There are times I feel that I am being left out ,
There are times I feel I am all alone in a dark alley,
There are times I cant find a way out of my problems ,
Thats the time I need you to stand by my side supporting me

There are times people crashing my heart with hurtful words,
There are times people stabbing me on the back,
There are times people start to hurt me with their actions,
Thats the time I need you to comfort me and hold me tight

Do you know who/what I am referring to?

Just On time

2010-05-04T13:16:00.002+08:00

I think i wanna thank God for helping me. I was going to have some financial issue this month due to the car insurance and road tax. Tot want to "ikat perut" already since I have settle everything from my credit card bills, room rental, parents allowance+car loan, car insurance and road tax and last weekend is Windsir warehouse sale. I bought bedsheets, small bolster, bolster,curtain ,mattress protector, and even some lingerie. This has cost a lot and all paid in cash. Seriously broke but quarter performance came in just on time to save my financial issue. Yes, I getting bonus for this month payroll. Yay!....Thank god, thank Digi for helping me out!

One word- it is all about love

2010-04-28T13:49:00.001+08:00

I think the title says it all...

If I had to live without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh, so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young and we both know
Theyll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I dont want to live without you.

Chorus 1
Nothings gonna change my love for you
You oughta know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
Ill never ask for more than your love.

Chorus 2
Nothings gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through but nothings gonna change my
love for you.

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us like a guiding star
Ill be there for you if you should neeed me
You dont have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are.

So come with me and share this view
Ill help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I dont want to live without you.

My mum is not the world greatest mum but she is no ordinary mum

2010-04-27T17:27:00.003+08:00

Somehow, I like the sound of the title. Haha. Mother's Day is coming soon and it falls on 9 th May 2010 this year. I will be going one week before that due to I want to spend longer time with my beloved mummy. If you really love your mum, Mother's day is just any other day. You dun need to go celebrate it on that day so I will celebrate with my family this coming weekend. For this special lady, she seriously is not an ordinary mum because to me, she is very special on her own way of raising her own children.Eventhough my younger sis is spoilt, but my mum was very strict to me and my elder sis. There was once a close relative ask me " is your mum very strict to you and your sis?Your grandma was extremely strict with your mum last time".I replied " Nah, my mum loves both of us a lot, so not so strict with me and my sis". The truth is my mum is those "ganas" type of mum that will "rotan" her children till you feel embaressed to go to school with those rotan marks on your hands and legs. Scary,right?Nowadays, this kind of agreesive act will be classify as "child abuse". That was what came to my mind and my elder sis mind too when we were small. Haha...As you grew older, you will realise that it is all for your own good..thats what I think. I wasnt an ordinary child or those goody goody type when I was young. In fact, I was very naughty and rebellious type. Each time I did something wrong, I ended up kena rotan till my hands and legs full of those rotan marks. Sometimes,my mum even left me in the dark and dont allow me to go back to my room. I do hated my mum for doing that but I was scared.In order to go back to my room to sleep, I need to say "sorry" and I really mean it when I say that. My mum will definitely forgive me and comfort me back. Each time also the same thing happen.As days passed, I really learn my lesson. Who dont have flaws? I remember once, I refuse to study, my mum "rotan" me again at night and force me to study. How I have hated her for that but if I havent do what she ask me for, can I have such good grades? I wasnt those smart student so I ended up in second class when I was in standard 5. My result was getting worse and my mum find all ways to improve my studies till the extent I went for personal tuition.My result shoot up till I got sixth in the class. Even the class teacher was amazed. Thank you, mum. I was pretty naughty when I am in Form 4. Mum so angry at one time, she even cut my hair. I cried and I cried as the haircut was horrible.Imagine, you are crying and your mum forcing you to cut your hair...her scissors just simply cut your hair. It was disaster. But I learn the lesson the hard way and I told myself, this is my last chance to improve my result for my spm examination and although I score one A less than my elder sis but my mum was very proud with me. Thank you, mum! You were always there when I need you. As I grow older, I realise you are the most important person in my life. Thanks for all your advice, thanks for the "rotan" session when I was young, thank you for backing me up for buying my own car, thanks for understanding when I face failure in my career..thanks for everything you have done for me, I know I cant repay everything you gave to me but I tried to do my part asa daughter as best as I could. Thank you, mum!

today was a fairytale

2010-04-25T14:08:00.002+08:00

referring to my title, this is one of the popular song by taylor swift for the movie Valentine's Day.Have you watch the movie? I wont say that it was a extreme good movie but worth to watch especially for couples/lovers/husband and wife.I not going to write a movie review here due to lack of writing skills here and besides, I do have a poor memory remembering the actor/actress names.Valentine's day was way over already for this year and it falls on the first day of Cny.Because of this, many couples(especially those not married yet) are separated due to the "must go back hometown" tradition. Lucky for those having the same hometown. Either celebrate early or celebrate later.For this special day, everyone got their very own different agenda.
As for me, perhaps I have been alone for quite some time, nothing much significant. On this day,I have dinner invitation from a fren for few years during my study life in MMU. Haha, it is not a "confession of love" dinner but just a normal dinner between two good frens. However, I usually prefer to be alone on this day although I do have my guy frens(whole bunch of them) asking me to go shopping or jalan -jalan. I am a shy person so I dont join at all. You probably feel that my life kinda boring,right? Anyway, for last year valentine's day, I went out dinner with a good friend.Nothing much special also.For this year, the only difference is I spend it with my family since it was first day of CNY. Worse still, no electricity at night!Almost fainted due to the heat. So, conclusion, in my life, Valentine's day is way too boring compare to the movie.

Wish there is a spell "erase memory"

2010-04-21T13:21:00.002+08:00

Do you remember that in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, that there is a spell that you can cast to erase the memory? Yup, thats the one and I wish I am the one that memory erase. This is because there are so many things on my mind which I just wish it will be gone by just one spell. Weekend was superb with my mum around with me, shopping at Midvalley, Sunway Pyramid, JJ Bukit Tinggi. It feels great to hangout with my mum as I miss her terribly.However, I feel the holidays are way too short causing my battery only recharged 10%. This is not enough! Yea, I need a longer hols which I planning to take either around Labour's day or in conjuction of Mother's Day weekend. See how. Need to plan everything properly as next month, budget very very tight due to car insurance and road tax. Besides that,might need to take out money end of this month to help a fren for income tax issue.I still waiting for my Iphone!.Wonder when they will restock the Iphone for the staff. I still owe money to a very good fren of mine which I will clear once I receive my phone.Money Money, it has always been a problem. Haih. Is it because I not stingy enough? Not earning enough? No idea. Lunch time over...Time to start work!

Really tired of hanging on, just need some love

2010-04-15T12:16:00.002+08:00

Well, this week has been a hell. It was ok at first but towards the ending of the week, things can really get worse and worse.Sometimes, I do wonder, is it my fault? if not, then who? No one to blame but yourself? I really dont know. Mind really lost and confused. I no longer know who I am , what I want to be, where I want to go, what I am going to do, what is right and what is wrong.It seems so blur.I felt like crying but it doesnt helps. I used to feel good after cried but this time, no.Am i suppose to give up? Pretend that everything is fine?
My frozen expression start with meeting with my section head this morning.I used to talk a lot especially in group meeting but this morning, I just keep quiet. No expression.Towards the end of the meeting, my section head notice i am extreme quiet.My group members gave me one kind of look. The only one that knows what is on my mind is my manager.Although he din say it out, we have this kind of special bond where we can read each other's mind. No, we are not having some kind of secret affair..aiya, he's married anyway. Unable to face the truth, I do not want to keep everything to myself therefore I mention it to my best fren through sms, it doesnt help to ease the pain but i feel better if i tell someone. Should I look at things in a positive way? I really have no confidence whether I can do that.
When can I have a life without problems? Some people say it is just something we have to go through as part of growing up. Why is everyone just like to give me a hard time? If you were to put on in my shoes, then u will know it. Even my closest family member doesnt even understand.Is it too much to ask for just for you to understand what I going through? yes, it is easy to say but hard to do. Why cant my beloved mum understand me? I know it is for my own good but unhappy means unhappy. If I listen to you, I will be happy? No.
Frens....no comment. If you cant understand, then it is ok. Pity /critics/comments, I dont need them.Keep it to yourself, please.
Money...you are my biggest enemy. Because of you, I have gone through a lot. I have fights with my family over you, my frens over you, I almost give everything for you but you still hate me and make my life suffer but I still love you. Please do work with my partner(banks) and start to accumulate yourself. Each time I go find my partner, they are telling me you refuse to co operate. I give everything for you but you just love to give me a hard time.
Finally, my love life. Yes, you, you, you. Enough of those lovely phrases, you are my sunshine, you are my light, shinning bright..whatsoever. I tried to be patient with you, try to understand you, but you are just too busy to spend time with me.I still can take it but there is a limit. You have cross over the line once you mention about the trip.I told myself, it is ok,let the happy events overshadow all this, and everything will be fine.However, my heart refuse to co operate. Well, we should have a talk and sort things out tonight.
Yes, I will be spending time with my mum for the weekend start from tomorrow. Lets hope I wont argue with her again as I hate to argue with my mum. damn hungry liao...lunch.

looking forward to take a break

2010-04-14T13:09:00.002+08:00

Yup, I have officially took half day leave for this coming Friday(16 April) to spend some time with my mum here in kl. I cant wait for that as I not that happy recently. Not going to get detailed on that here but in summary, I got very very angry with someone. There are things I cant seems to forgo. I think in malay language it is called " berfikiran sempit".My english is not that good but I think i am very "narrow minded". Jealousy is raging high inside my heart but this is because I care about you very much. Unfortunely,this person never understand instead the feedback I got was "dun think so much, later unhappy only, think also no use one".
Another thing is about my career which I think I mention about it here one year ago.Not going to bother much about it but if some people cant accept it, it is fine with me. I dont like people to judge me in my work/career so to this kind of people,please get out of my life!Very stress out already on this career/work issue.This is the reason I need to spend some time with my mum. It doesnt help/solve the problem but at least I feel better. Need to go shopping, walk around, chit chat and spend time with my nephew and sis. Was hoping that once May arrives, I will be ok. Till then I do not wish to see/talk/meet with the person who hurt my feelings. No, I not going for a break up but I just need some time and space to cool down my anger.Time to start work, adios!

Words without pics

2010-04-07T13:17:00.003+08:00

I found out that my blog lack of pics. This is because I kinda lazy to blog at home using my desktop where I keep all my pics. Use up my lunch time to blog with my laptop nowadays.Well, life has been ok so far. For Digizens, it is all about iphone- the coolest gadget in the century. Well, limit one set for one staff only. Hopefully, I can help to sell out one or else need to use my own money to own one at the staff price.Either one it is really worth it. Due to it is such a good bargain, one of my fren already approach me on this but too bad, I do want to own an Iphone or perhaps for my family.If you notice my facebook, my relationship status has been changed. haha...to do that, I need to get approval from "his" parents first. Meet the parents is ok but kinda awkward as we have some communication issue. I cant imagine of speaking Malay with his parents. It gaves some kind of "not close" feeling. Perhaps I will learn some hokkien and brush up my mandarin. Mlk trip was a good one although there was some last minute dissapointment caused by my mum and sis but it turned out to be fine.

Recently, I notice that I have been extremely lazy.In every way. I feel tired easily and need a lot of sleep. Is this a sign of aging? My plan to go for jogging has been a failure for a long long time with me unable to wake up early on Sunday morning. I dont even like to walk around my housing area.Perhaps got no company. Used to do that with my parents last time but unable to do it anymore with my mum's leg bad condition.It is really pitiful and sad when u see one of your family member having some problem with the leg. This is the reason each time i went back home, I tend to help out a bit with the housework. With my mum's leg condition, she unable to go travelling overseas and this has make her very very sad. Well, as daughter, what I can do is to bring her to travel in Malaysia that require less walking therefore I will organise a trip end of the year for her. Need to save money for that.Lunch time over, time to start work!

sat morning

2010-04-03T10:40:00.002+08:00

Well, right now I am at Proton Service Centre waiting for my beloved darling serviced by some slow and inefficient technician.The reason why I said them in such a way as I always had bad experience each time I come here to service my darling. Although already made appointment, somehow when I took a quick glance at their car list, found that someone doesnt follow the time schedule. Well, in Malaysia, it has always been unfair. Priority given to the majority races. Heck,i do not want to end up in ISA hands. Faham faham saje lah.Damn hungry also as I din take breakfast. about the price of service, the guy did mention it almost reaching to two hundred bucks. No choice, pay with my credit card. Notice this so called Center of Excellence(Cose) tend to charge more. My fren mention it has standard prices but I Doubt that.The last time I service in Ipoh, it was so much cheaper. No choicelah, this is the nearest Proton service centre. Enough of about service and my darling car.

Life has been ok only as being sick for two consecutive days in a week definitely make my body weaker.Drinking of few bottles of bird nest doesnt help much also.The lazy worm has attacked me with all their might causing me to feel sleepy and lazy most of the time. Work efficiency has been deteriorating. Well, who cares? Since my job memang sucks. My team mate treat Dg as their father company. Half day for fewdays and missing for the rest of the days in the week. Talk about my manager on this, he just not bother.So, why should me,a lowest rank staff should care?
I care because thanks to this bunch of useless people, I have to do their job task. This is not the worse, the worse is my manager driving me crazy. Due to all the frustration, I cant take it so I no longer become the nice,polite girl who will just said "yesyes, I will do it, will settle it". No, I practically shout and yell and stare at my manager nowadays each time he came to me to ask this and that or ask me to settle someone's job. Dont want to give face or whatsoever.My dept is in the process of re organization but I dun really care. As if I got the chance to move to another section. Really depressed sometimes but life just have to go on.

Work isnt the end of my problem. There are many others but I think I better keep it to myself. My frens around me,thanks for being so patient and even my parents...thanks a lot...jo has been very grumpy but hope you guys all understand. If I keep everything to myself,I might gone nuts ..Really need your ear to ease the pain.

feeling a bit lost

2010-03-23T13:20:00.002+08:00

just realize i have abandon my blog for a long time. more than a month. well, life is like a routine,not much changes from wake up, go work, off work, dinner, watch drama/rest and sleep. I getting sick of this kind of life. Although I am not so sure on the definition of quarter life crisis but I feel there is something wrong with my life. I start to act weird sometimes and I tend to be very forgetful. No, I am not getting lunatic but mind a bit disturbed nowadays. It is very dangerous to drive when your mind is not focus and I do know that but I cant just help it. I keep thinking and thinking. Well, the only place I will admit that I have high dignity is here and only here. i always want "face". It is normal, right? Just like the famous chinese phrase " trees want the skin, human wants face". Kindly translate the phrase into cantonese.If someone never invite me to a certain event, I wont be thick skin to tag along or force that person to invite. To me, it is pointless, u can lied to yourself but the truth hurts more if u think rationally. Wish to write more but time doesnt permit. My lunch time over and loads of work waiting for me.

Feb 2010

2010-02-05T13:50:00.002+08:00

Yup, it has been a long time din update my blog. Those lazy worms start to attacking me already. I wonder sometimes what happen to my body as it seems that I always feel tired and restless till the extend I even woke up late this morning. There is something that is bothering my mind this whole week. Mood has been bad lately and I cant stop complaining this and that. This is not the way it is suppose to be but I just cant help it.Even treat my own boss in a very extreme harsh way. I am trying very hard to tell myself , relax, dun bother so much, dun care but I think I have failed to do. Seriously, I fail. I admit that. Notice ever since from uni days till now, there is always problem, challenges,one after another. Ask me on my happy moments, I do have, of course but due to my negative thinking now, the bad things has overshadow the good things.Yes, am looking forward to CNY but somehow the feeling is a bit different compare to the younger days of me. Yes, i dont like the feeling of growing up and getting older but no choice...My family has always been my first priorities especially my parents but my younger sis has always been the trouble creator and wonder when she will grow up.Keep telling myself that she is still young but each time I go back, her attitude really testing my patience.Well, to comfort myself, probably the year of ox is the year of "fan tai sui" is not over yet. There are so many things bothering my mind including my niece has the issue of "unable to speak" which kinda serious. Although she is not my kid, but I still worry. Yes, I keep worrying this and that.Bet thats the reason for the number of white hair I have right now. I cant stop worrying especially on those I love. When will I learn to put things behind and dont care so much? Am i asking too much and have high expectations?

bye bye 2009 and hello 2010

2010-01-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yup, it is the end of year 2009 and new year 2010, new beginning for everything.It has been a year of sadness, dissapointment and happiness. When reflect back, health has been deteriorating and it wasnt a really good year for those born in the year of the ox. I am getting old so I cant remember every single event that happens in 2009 but those significant ones were car accident after less than a week driving new car and of course, watching foreworks on new year eve. Fyi, I have a special liking to watch fireworks and it has been a long time I watch fireworks in such a short distance. Besides that, it is about me being aunty again (yes, it is my beloved nephew).Enough of 2009 and lets talk about what is the resolution for 2010. Last night, someone told me I want to get married this year but it is not true. Got no such intention to settle down yet. Well, I dare not dream far as the higher your hopes are, the harder it is to achieve and will fall really hard if fail. In summary, hopefully, I will earn more money and money and money this year. Career-no hope already. Stagnant , freeze...Love life...so far, it has been great..hopefully it stays this way, i want good luck also in all my undertakings, last but not least, please give me good health.Not only to me, but my parents as well. Abit sleepie due to lack of sleep last night....Nitez

Christmas!

2009-12-15T23:09:00.002+08:00

Kindly take note the pics is to cheer everything up.

depressed

2009-12-15T21:53:00.003+08:00

Just when I think that everything is going to be ok, things start to get worse. Timing not right somemore, mum undergoing cataract operation, nephew admitted to hospital and I cant bother my family on my problems.Not really problem but my sadness and dissatisfication . As usual, I tried to comfort myself by telling that I am lucky compare to those contract not extended. I do not need to go for probation period.Haih...Well, I have to admit, I should be thankful. Got secured job now, salary although little but still can survive, family and frens that really care about me and there whenever I need them. Need to relax! Dun think so much, jo, just let it go!Will be going back hometown this Thursday...Cant wait!

its going to be end of 2009 soon

2009-12-08T10:29:00.002+08:00

Yup, it is already Dec 2009 and time to reflect back what has been done this year. Luck was not on me this year especially from starting of the year till my birthday. So many misfortune events happen.Perhaps we will think of what we have achieved this year. Basically in terms of work, not much achievement for me in terms of technical knowledge. I am still extreme lagging behind compare to other tele engineers out there. Been working for one year plus and I feel myself still like a fresh grad only. Besides work, family....lots of arguements throughout the year especially with my younger sis. Perhaps the way I handle things is still not matured enough causing all this arguments. In terms of frens, I think still ok. Social life not that good....anti social mah....I got to know a lot of new frens too this year compare back to my uni days.Well, another two weeks plus will be christmas.Well,my christmas present budget will be cut cut cut down this year. Last year, I overspend a bit and this year, presents are only for closed ones. Frens will be out of the list. Nyek Nyek, thats why I got extra money to buy a new Reebok shoe plus some cosmetics.Bought a cake mixer for my mum and she is extreme happy about it. Ok, lets go to my wish list and see there is any changes. Will update my resolution for year 2010 soon

Wish list
1. change HP(wanna buy Samsung brand one)- Er, I think I will be getting my RM1000 mobile voucher next year...)
2. decorate my Ipoh room- my younger sis finally clean the room so I just need to decorate it a bit, previously, was freaking messy
3. a raise in my salary(damn low, work like hell only)-still waiting
4. more bonus(again,it is money)- got my quarterly bonus....
5. wanna see my niece(wai yan) more often- she still very far away
6. a better job and company..- cant find...:(
7. to own a house - long term dream which I dun think I can achieve even in 2010
8. money again to buy amanah saham malaysia so that I can make profit- still not enough yet and no more amanah saham release now....
9. last but not least...a good husband(haha, aiyoh, no bf already wish husband...kengleh)-er..uncertain on this

my beloved niece

2009-11-10T22:05:00.003+08:00

thats my beloved niece, wai yan. although naughty a bit, i still love her a lot. wish to blog more but lazy and sleepy liao

Birthday 2009

2009-10-30T11:20:00.002+08:00

Wow, how time flies. Yea, i am 24 years old already. I feel myself still young compare to others,he he. This year birthday , not a very good one.The pre birthday celebration in ipoh din really went that well due to some reasons.Was planning to have a nice dinner with my whole family but ended up,it was cancel. Initially, I was also planning to wear a nice dress also to take pics. Due to no mood already, ended up, I was wearing T- SHIRT only when I cut cake. I not going to talk about the bad things that happen here.One of the special thing this year is the cake, unlike the usual years, I normally will have a liking to chocolate cakes only but this year, my daddy manage to find a tiramisu cake for me.Thanks , daddy!
As for the presents, not much this year. Got a scarf from my elder sis(she cut my birthday budget already..haih). In summary, pics tell everything.He he...

life is like a stage...we are all actors and actress

2009-10-12T21:48:00.002+08:00

refer to title above, thats what i feel about life. currently, i am living in a state of denial. When i feel scared, i keep telling those around me that I am ok.when I found that I miss someone, I told myself that I just being too lonely, when I am worried, I try to comfort myself that things will be better soon. Yes, I found myself a bit pathetic. There are so many things i keep to myself just to make sure the other party doesnt get hurt.Deep inside, I really want to voice everything out but the reality prohibit me from doing that. Ended up, I wrote here. This blog is just a way for me to rant here about everything.Music is my life and so is this blog.I feel tired of mentioning about my work here as it is getting duller and less interesting day by day. I lost my passion in working. The reason I work is because of money and to survive.thats all...

Ok, what I want to mention here is about kids. They are pretty troublesome. Well, lots of people got the concept" i like kids" as most of the kids love me and like me around. Yes, I do like kids for short time. Not long period by taking care of them for more than 1 week.My concept is "dun want to have much kids...most is 2..." That also if I got married only. Dun want to become "yellow lady". Kids are money sucker( like me lah).Leech that never want to leave you.

Oh yea, my dog was pretty sick last week. I seriously thought that he will leave me. It is really sad to see someone/something that you love left you. I felt this kind of pain six years ago and I hate to go through that again. Well, my dog pretty old and it is time to go soon. Took leave and told myself "if got fate, he will wait till i back home". i pray to god too as he is the last person that you can come to when other things doesnt help at all. I thank god for hearing my prayers as my dog was getting well after that.Thank you , for giving me more time with scottie. oOPSS...its getting late. Need to sleep soon as tomorrow will be another busy day!

Moven peak, RPGC

2009-10-02T22:21:00.003+08:00

Yes, this is my latest hair style...A bit weird at the front...Wish my hair can grow longer.

new member of the family again!

2009-10-02T22:12:00.002+08:00

Yes, I got a nephew on 11 Sept 2009. His name is Leong Wai Lik, but I prefer to call him Jordan.Like all babies, he love to cry and shit a lot. Most of the time, he will sleep only. Super cute( like his auntie mah...)Due I scared my cam's flash will hurt his eyes, therefore I just manage to snap pic of him when he sleeps.

work

2009-09-24T16:02:00.000+08:00

short post ....seriously heavy loaded with work. Wonder when I will be so free in the office till I got nothing to do?Never...either I delay my work, there is always so much work. Haih...I hate working life.

the past, the present and the future

2009-09-04T14:50:00.003+08:00

Well, finally i have time to blog.I am back from PD-MLK trip. In short, I had a great weekend.This blog of mine is the place where I will be myself and speak whatsoever inside my heart. how old am i?Soon to be 24 but looking back, I have gone through a lot. From happiness, my darkest part...shame...sadness...heartbroken.Yes, I think I have grown a lot. I no longer the small kid I used to be, the one that always play in Ipoh Garden East playground, refuse to study till my mum beat me up or the one that ran away from home, I have changed from being a cheerful, friendly kid into someone who keep quiet all the time with a lot of things to think about. I miss my childhood times but time will never stop ticking.Yes, some of you might call me a "freak" also as I am someone who always put a sour face and not friendly.Have you ever lost someone? Lost as if u no longer can see that person or no longer frens with that fella. Being a "freak", I have go through that.If you notice in my blog, I sort of having a virtual war with another blogger till I stop everything. This blogger is not that important to me so the impact to me is minor but I did lost a fren before. It is not because we have argument, it is because of other reason. I have lost in touch with this person which I hope I can see him someday , that also if I can still recognise him.One of my happiest time is all my fellow frens being together, spend time at shopping mall, watch movies in cinema...no worries . This frens of mine , I manage to keep in touch with some of them but things will never be the same. Another significant fren of mine which I mention here many times liao, I have a dream on "you". You were so happy and you told me that. It was such a wonderful dream that I woke up laughing to myself. This fren of mine is very important to me and he has gone through a lot. When u really care on someone, u only wish him to be happy and I really happy for him for living happily now and put down the past.Well, that is only 20% of my past, the present for now. What hurt the most is the one you care and love treat you the same way as others. The pain is really unbearable but perhaps i am really stupid. Each time, I just told myself, that person is different ....lying to myself. sometimes, my feelings cover up my rational thinking.I got so confused sometimes. a lot of people telling me that it is time to let go.I tried to...but it is really hard. The last time I have this kind of scenerio, it took me 3 years...ok, enough.The future...yes, i am going for an interview next Friday.I need to gain more experience in interview so just want to try out. Slim chance for the company to hire me but I wanna overcome my interview fear.Yes, i always nervous and forgot everything each time I go for interview for job. I admit I am useless in this. Hopefully, this will help me. My future in my current company is undecided. Not sure how is my career path and I kind of lost. My parents is very encouraging type and support me whatever I do. A lot of people look down on me, I dont blame them as I ,myself feel I am useless but I wont give up. I still young,still got time to learn...

PD-MLK Trip soon!

2009-08-18T13:07:00.002+08:00

Well, it is lunch time now so I think I will use up some time to blog here. Eh, dun get wrong that I using office hours woh, lunch time, I am free to do whatever I like. Nope, I wont feel guilty at all as I have dedicated and committed to my job. I work till 730 pm yesterday to do my partner's work, Yes, you heard it right, it is not even my task and yet I still do as this is teamwork.There will never be a hour where I am free and have nothing to do(yea, i am that busy). Most of the time,I multitasking. Enough of work!Kindly refer to my title, I am going to PD this sat,hooray!Of course with the ones I love the most . Due to PD,not much stuff, we decide to pay a visit to the historical city on Sunday. Yes, this historical city is none other than MALACCA ,the place I have stay for five years(really a long time).FYI,I will be the one organising the agenda of this trip and also the driver(yes,it is me me me....it is time for a filial daughter to bring her mummy and daddy and my beloved sis around mlk)I am so going to look forward to this trip. Best thing is I even took leave on Monday as I will only back to KL on Monday.Away from work, spending time with loved ones, what more is better? I need a break from work, yes, i do..as work is do damn stressful with annoying account manager chasing after u, or e mails from SMC, or your manager chasing you to help him do something..sien...I have tied up my room a bit, it looks neat and tidy and very cosy for me.Sad thing, my room in Ipoh is in a mess thanks to my younger sis( I feel like strangle her when i think of this). I want to decorate my room also hard. Ended up, it is kind of dusty too as six years I have left my home..till now, it is true i always go home but I seldom go inside my room also.Yes, u are right, I will sleep in my parent's room. Different bed of course. Btw, I would like to update my wish list here.

Wish list
1. change HP(wanna buy Samsung brand one)
2. decorate my Ipoh room
3. a raise in my salary(damn low, work like hell only)
4. more bonus(again,it is money)
5. wanna see my niece(wai yan) more often
6. a better job and company..
7. to own a house
8. money again to buy amanah saham malaysia so that I can make profit
9. last but not least...a good husband(haha, aiyoh, no bf already wish husband...kengleh)

Already fulfill wish list
1. Bought new car(yes, it is my darling Persona)
2. New camera with 12 megapixel
3. Laptop( company's one is enough loh)
4. Air cond room so that I wont feel hot compare to student's life
5. Frens that is nearby and can keep in touch
6. A pink Nike shoe(finally own one)
7. A pink branded watch(bought Elle)
8. A pink bag ( Elle Active sling bag)

Smiley

2009-08-14T13:57:00.003+08:00

Yup, as what the title says, I have changed my hamster's name from "willy" to "smiley" since end of March till now.I suppose to upload a lot of pics here of smiley and also my darling ,persona but seriously, I dont have time. Yes, time is never enough. Always busy with work nowadays and no time to update blog also. I changed my hamster's name as from the day smiley step into my home( yes, it is home means my ipoh houselar...it is my only home), my dad keep on calling him smiley but after a while, I decided to call him "smiley" and he likes that name too. He is one very naughty hamster.Only like to eat "kuaci", others dun want. Always wasteful so I got no choice but starve him a bit.He he. Active at night and likes to bathe.Yes, he has a bath tube with the sand and he likes to lie down on his bath tub. Oklah, enough of smiley.
Work piling up as usual. Not going to elaborate as I not that happy with my job scope but needs money, so no choice. Went back home two weeks ago and this time, I bought a nice cloth and ask the tailor to help me make a evening gown(short length) this time for my "not so formal" wedding/event to attend. Yes, I got no choice but to ask tailor to make for me as I am very short and fat. Hard to buy one that can fit me perfectly. Some fits but I look like humpty dumpty. Life has been great. I met my exschoolmates and had a great time last Friday. Went swimming on Sunday. What I like the most is being able to do things that I enjoy!

At Nadiah's wedding with frens

2009-06-17T10:37:00.002+08:00

A day with my beloved family...

2009-06-17T10:29:00.003+08:00

Me and my mummy
Me and daddy

one of the down part of my life

2009-06-14T21:49:00.003+08:00

Well, unlucky for me and being careless,less than a week driving my new car, i was involve in accident.so many unfortunate things happen.luckily, my relative help me by borrowing his car to me to go to work while my car remain in the workshop for few days. haih, life was like hell, i keep blaming myself, my beloved parents din scold me causing me to feel extremely guilty. I have no idea how much I have cried that week.I know some of you might say I am childish but I cant hold back my tears. On sunday night, i keep recalling the accident.On Monday, I was like zombie, luckily I got training that day.Anyway,thank god everything is ok now but my budget for this months has become extremely tight. Well, there are so many things happen,I not going to mention it here but seriously, I felt really hurt. Hurt by someone who hardly cares for me,someone will only come to me when he needs help. Yes, right now, I can even tell I have confused my feelings with the truth. The truth is this person never care for me, each time, I was overshadow by my own feelings,telling myself that he is a good person. I cant have everything in life. I start to count my blessings, new car, my house is very new, a very beautiful room with my own bathroom,a job and a family that cares me a lot. I am very fortunate compare to other people. My colleague said "I live in my own world"(due to I put on my earphones all the time). I dont see anything wrong, most importantly, it doesnt affect my performance. My social life in work might be less but at least I in good terms with everyone, I do not need to stick with one group all the time. Most importantly, I am happy,that is all matters,right? I kind of miss my daddy and mummy,taking one day leave to visit them this weekend.Cant wait to spend time with my family,nothings matters anymore than my family....

New life

2009-05-26T13:33:00.002+08:00

Yes, i finally drove back my new car here.Really happy. Been decorating it last weekend. I will upload photos of it soon. Kind of lazy to write here as I been really busy. Work load is heavy but I will try my best to cope up with it. My performance evaluation has been done by my manager and it is good. My rating is ok. Although I still not that happy on my job position now, but I just have to accept it happily. FYI, I have been trying really hard on that, making myself happy. Well, I would like to thank my exschoolmate for being there to listen, I know i kind of annoying . Thanks for understanding, Thanks for telling me what is on your mind, thanks for being a true fren,thanks for everything, MK. Unlike others, listen to my complaint and nagging, and cursing me behind my back. Well, what I want to say, if I call and sms you, that means I really need someone and I not doing it just for fun. Those who cant understand the situition or the challenges I face,dun worry, though I am a bit slow in digging people's mind out, when I realised, I wont disturb or in simple words, I totally ignore this kind of fren.It is enough to have one good fren,rather than hundred and millions of fake frens. Currently, I kind of happy. I spend time with my niece, do not have financial problem, I got enough space for myself to breathe at work, I no longer need to face the people I dislike.Yes, I am happy.

Ups and Downs

2009-04-24T11:15:00.001+08:00

Din update for one month. Cant believe how time flies. A lot has been happening till I cant remember much as memory not good. Well,
fyi, I have bought a new camera,yes, after 5 years, i finally can afford to buy a new camera but unfortunely,till now,I
havent really use it yet.Yup, 12 megapixel, it has ....Amazing,right?I took few pics but will upload soon.Stay tuned!I had a wonderful dinner
with a good fren during his birthday and watched "race to witch mountain".It was a wonderful evening,chatting and laughing.
Indeed,i feel happy that you are around.I love to see you smiling and joke around. It is indeed enough to have you around...in mandarin,
"chu kao" .Oh yea, another significant day is when my ipoh fren ,Joanne came down to visit me.It feels so nice to see your exschoolmates and hanging
around together gossiping , updating each other on our latest news , so relaxing after a stressful week of work.
Words cant express how happy I was on that Sat.Well, life has ups and downs.Well, I got skin allergic last week. I so scared
to look at myself when those stupid red spots on my body.I have to take medicine and cant even eat my favourite beef
or prawns.Once eat,those rashes will come out and worse still,my face also got,causing me to feel not
comfortable.It is suppose to be a wonderful weekend, spending time with my beloved mum who came all the way to Shah Alam to visit me.
Besides my skin allergic,I had a nice weekend with my mum.i took her to Dino Plaza and she was amazed with the method to eat the food and we
went Sushi Zanmai in One Utama.I had to be careful with the food I eat though.We chat alot. Well, my mum said
I have change a lot due to my working environment ,causing me not to be as cheerful like last time. I told her"no, I am fine" but tears
start to flow down my cheeks.I cant tell her what I have been through ,the sadness that is inside me as I dont want her to worry.
Well,there is one touching scene last Sunday where I went to toilet in One U, there was a korean fair , I was busy looking for my mum,at last Ifound her
U know what I saw? I saw my mum Q up in the counter.It was a long Q.Before that, there is this promoter came to us promoting some kind of drink which cost RM35 a bottle
I told my mum I dun want as it is so expensive. Well,my mum was Q up to buy two bottles for me.I knew how she hate to Q up BUT because
of her love towards me and also due to my health not good, she willing to take out the money. I was really touched.
Yes, indeed in this world, your parents love u the most .Well, I told myself , I shouldnt dissapoint my parents and love,appreciate them as much as I can
as life is short.

its all coming back to me now

2009-03-10T09:11:00.001+08:00

ell, i finally finish tidying up my room now.....not the one at home but the one at shah alam. the room has been messy since last year
and this weekend only i manage to find the time to tidy it up. Well, the great news is that I finally fully recover from
some sickness which some of my frens might know about and i think even my colleagues notice it too as I went to see doctors more than once
during lunch time for the past two months. Yes, for the past two months, my health has been deteriorating a lot with fever,cough,flu and many other things.
Well, it could be probably someone cursing me.....well,i was really scared that i might die as if my condition become worse,i might
need to go for scan,ultrasound and etc. In summary, i am ok after my mum spend some money at Eu Yen Sang and I am alright now. Hehe.
There are still many things I want to do.
Been thinking a lot lately.I have a strange and funny dream lately and it was so funny that I ended up laughing when I woke up.
Well, I have been working for around 9 months now that I start to miss uni life.I miss my MMU frens though I do have a hard time
to adapt to the environment.Well, there are a few memories that still very fresh on my mind. The reason is that I sort of experiencing the same
situition now . That is I am all alone but dun get me wrong, I still have lots of frens here, just that I feel a bit lonely. I still
remember during my first year in MMU, i met few frens which I can really get along with. Was really sad when most of them went cyber during the beta year. Anyway,
during my beta year, I was really happy as there is someone(I not going to mention name here) that is always around me.We did a lot of things together from
eating lunch,dinner,supper together. My heart sort of broken when this person left MelSsaka.During my beta year also, I
have a very nice coursemate from my hometown that is always there whenever I need someone to talk to or help me with assignment.I still remember in year 2006(world cup),
"you" came all the way to visit me in Melaka.There are so many things that cant even describe in words but I finally manager to forget about "you"
during my first sem in my final year.For final year, was busy with fyp plus i think the most remarkable event is prom.It is an event
where everyone will dress in their best together with their partner.Although i Was tired by trying to finish up my fyp report, I was really happy that night.After that,
with final exam(the very final one in MMU), everyone went to their own path.My path was into the telecommunication industry
which I never regret because I have learn a lot and I am still in the process of learning. I was amazed with the technicalknowledge my seniors had and I wish
someday, I can reached the level where i know in detail all about telecommunications.My tehcnical knowledge now is only 5% and I hope to gain more.Some of my coursemates
venture into electronics industry. Well, everyone got their own dreams and some even took the road less travelled by. Whatever it is , to me, everyone got their own potential.
Well, my memories not only limited to my uni life but also my school life.Unfortunely, those sad memories I had in school
came back to me yesterday.I do happy happy memories too but those sad memories still haunt me. I think I have let go one year ago but I was so wrong.Hmmm...
how long already those sad memories happen?Time pass really fast.I was in form 4 that time, that makes it 8 years ago.8 years have pass
but I still remember very clearly those people that give me a hard time(some even migrated to US)
Every single detail still very fresh on my mind.
I know I should have just let it go but it is so hard.Sometimes i think god is helping me,u know why? Because the devil that is hidden inside me wants me to get revenge
on those people that have bully me , those that have mentally torture me and not even once, i bump to them after I finish my form 5. Aiks....I feel a bit tired already
.There are so many things I want to write down but unfortunely,time doesnt allow me.niTEZ!

Finally things start to brighten up a bit(work)..

2009-02-16T17:02:00.001+08:00

Things are getting a little bit better at work today.V day was ok.Had a great dinner and I watch few good movies and read some books.
I got a wake up call on sunday from a good friend. Had a great chat with this good fren of mine.He told me things will get better and indeed it has.
Thanks!Workload is getting heavier day by day. I have received some news that things should be getting worse for me in terms of my job.Not that happy as my technical knowledge limited
due to doing the same thing everyday. I try to look at the positive side.
In the meantime, I will try my best to cope up with the heavy workload.Well, for those of you who are unaware of Digi latest update, we will be launching 3G end of this month.
.
Been really sad since last Thursday.Having trouble in sleeping also.If u are close fren of mine, u probably should know what have happen.
Well, I need some time to recover from the sadness.It is hard to forget someone...I need some time to treat that person as a very normal fren.I dont really know how to face him also. Of course on the
outside, we are fine.Just that inside my heart, it is hard to accept the truth.The last time I try to forgot V, it took me four years....I cant wait to go back Ipoh
Need family by my side so that I wont think so much.aWell,there are somegood news, I will be having another nephew/niece soon this year!...Happie!

2008-12-09T11:51:00.004+08:00

Graduation

2008-12-09T11:39:00.003+08:00

forget the past and strive for future

2008-12-09T00:02:00.005+08:00

i have no idea how long i never blog here.almost half a year i guess.as usual,a lot of things has happened. Graduation ceremony was great except for the part rushing here and there.Saw my uni frens once again after so many months. Everyone looks great.There are a lotof updates about myself of course,from the first day i work in digi till now.LOts of events,from team building to digi challenge and then alot of activities.I got to know and get close to a few colleagues.Well, in life,there is not onlyhappiness but sorrow also.Arguments,those stressful moments when i am trying my best to do my job,and many other things.When u stand on your two own feet,there are so much to think about.For the past few months,i have been through a lot.Indeed,there are few happy things such as my fren finally will be working here.It is one of my fren that i cant afford to lose and someone i hope that will stay quite near to me rather than separated by the sea.hehe. Well,I always tell myself to take things easy and dont think too much.People tend to gossip around and I wont bother to explain much also as it will only make things worse.I tend to be forgetful nowadays and sometimes,I always in my own wonderland....This statement was given by oneofmy colleague.Some people might find me a bit rude as when u ask me question,i tend to keepquiet or ignore it.Usually,it is when I am busy or there is something on my mind.I hope I can change my attitude butsomehow my brain sort of stop functioning.Perhaps you will find it confusing what I am saying here but this ignoring attitude ofmine is getting serious.Well, I was too naive sometimes.The world is indeed very cruel till sometimes,I dun know which is my fren and which one is my enemy.Some people even spread rumours which are not true at all and I admit,I got very upset on this.It is indeed silly but I cant help it.I just hope time will heal and solve everything.

graduated!

2008-05-19T10:36:00.002+08:00

yup,finally graduated!hope so unless i fail something.hopefully wont.happy i finally finish my study.5 years just like a blink of an eye though i always waiting for the time passed but seriously,i really cant believe 5 years just passed on like that.so many things have happen during my studies in mmu here.happy and sad events.how i struggled to finish my dsp assignment.still remember i woke up and not yet brush teeth already on my pc and do assignment or how i struggle until late night to settle my power system assignment.besides that ,a good fren of mine or someone i once depend on left me and i was all alone again but i finally got over that after one year.there are a few times i stay awake the whole morning watching drama and crying because i was very sad.happy events ,a lot also.for example,going out with frens and getting to know new frens which i enjoy being with.i really going to miss my mmu frens.i have no idea when we will meet again(of course we will meet again during convo)but this is reality where frens come and go but to me,it is ok,as long as we keep in touch,we are frens no matter how far we are.

mystique 2008

2008-04-28T15:33:00.004+08:00

yup,went prom mystique on 12 april.was busy with fyp report that time.i remembered i was doing my report till the last minute .at 4 only i went to bathe and changed to my evening gown and went straight d fino.there were so many people there and one thing i hate the most is to wait.my patience is very low one,u see but no choice.around 6 something only finish hair do and make up.the girl who did the make up for me kind of panic also till she dropped the loose powder on the floor.This is my first time wearing fake eye lashes.haha,the feeling is kind of weird plus i wore contact lens also.frankly speaking,after all the waiting ,i really dun have the mood to go prom already.Then cant find parking pula which makes me very stressful till i finally passed my car to my fren.lazy to drive cos tired already plus feel a bit uneasy wearing contacts plus those heavy make up.the night was ok,i saw someone there...someone i never expect to see...but it doesnt matter anymore.this person has nothing to do with me anymore.oh yea,i was very happy nowadays because i found my gang of frens which i thought i lost them as we din keep in touch.well,my good fren,chris has been updating everyone about me,as usual..hhaha....at least,we got keep in touch and i am so glad i found something that i once thought it was all lost.well,i gain something and i lose something but what i lost,i dun have regrets at all plus nothing will change my decision,till the day i died,i will stick to this decision.i do feel sad about it but as time goes,i already can take it.as for my life,i like the things now.i do feel very sad when i think i cant see my mmu frens anymore and especially someone....but it is ok,i told myself.everyone got their own path.maybe fate will bring us together again,right?there is always a time to say goodbye but we never know when we will say hello to each other again.

i wish things will stay the way they are

2008-03-25T10:23:00.002+08:00

been busy lately.there are so many things to settle.2 lab reports,fyp,exams...but it is ok,i can still take it.been locking myself up at home for three days but my dramas accompany me most of the time.my head getting heavier day by day.sometimes,i felt really tired and want to give up but i just cant.the road almost coming to an end and my journey of working life will start soon.i do not want to stay in mmu for another year,staying in mlk for other purpose is ok but not studying in mmu.i have been studying for many years and it is really enough for the time being.i din really have a break without worry about my studies for a long time.the break i had after i finish my pmr and spm were one of my best time of my life and i longed for that kind of break.my fyp still not finish done and i am still working in it.hols was great but just a little trouble happen at home.i was sort of stuck between my parents.thank god it was over and everything was back normal.my financial was sort of frozen during the break due to my familys' problem and deep inside,i got a bit panic.my money sort of stuck for the payment of prom.hope everything will be settle soon.there is another reason why i locked myself up at home.i din want to meet anyone because there is something bothering my mind.well "you" did called me few times but i din picked up ur call because i dun know what to say to " you" anymore.i told myself many times that "you" are history already but somehow "you" always appear all of sudden when i feel down.come to think of it,how many people actually understand what i want and what i like?some people just dun get what i want and what is on my mind.for example,my fren here doesnt know what i want.this fren always treat me food(i did the same to return favour,i not the type that just receive) but that is not what i want my fren to do."you" know what i like the most.i like anything related to "stars" and u once give me a star which i treasure a lot.I once had a bunch of frens that know what i like the most.i still remember my 18th birthday when they give me a present i really like.those are the gifts i never forget.i wonder when i will found someone who knows what i want and read my mind.perhaps never...i kind of tired and class soon.sayonara!

cny dinner at pei zing restaurant,malacca

2008-03-01T15:10:00.003+08:00

me and fern

from left :my tele coursemate (chiau ee),me,fern,lilian,yin ching,feli,kai xuan

from left:me,fern,lilian,kai xuan and feli~

year 2008

2008-02-24T11:44:00.002+08:00

cant believe i actually din blog here for more than 2 months.well,been busy lately and kind of lazy to blog also.well,my training presentation was kind of screwed up.well,do not want to talk about it further as the chapter is closed.fyp,no progress.i need to get my strength back to do my fyp,in the sense of mentality.physically,i have become fatter.good food in ipoh certainly helps me to gain weight.training was sucks but my colleagues were great.well,third sem already starts but until now,i wasnt ready to face the challenges yet.been thinking a lot lately till i do have a lot of white hair.oh yea,i did dye my hair to natural brown.not because wanna become stylish but just to cover up those bloody white hair.my ex colleagues been teasing me a lot about them as i tied up my hair during work time.oh yea,before i forgot ,i have NIECE!yup,u heard me right,i am now officially upgraded to the status "auntie".she is damn adorable except for the crying part.well,"auntie" is kind of lame or "ah yee" thus i prefer her to call me " auntie jo "hehe.she certainly brought a lot of joy to my parents.well,everyone's life has up and downs and i was kind of down past two weeks.i have cried a lot also but i know it doesnt help to solve the problem.was kind of glad it was over.been confused lately also.not sure what i want or which path to take in the future.during training,i have indeed seen a lot.the ugliness of people(not physically but it is their heart).sometimes i wonder am i becoming like those people yet someone told me it is different because i feel bad after i did something wrong and that the difference of me and them.i saw the greed human has,taking advantage and willing to do anything to get what u want and being over ambitious, 'kiasu' people.the working life there is horrible with stabbing back one another.thats reality and i should live with it.haih.i told myself many times to move on without "u" but there is still a light shadow of "u" inside my heart.my mind has take 90% in charge of my decision making already.i told myself it is ok and everything is fated.no point i keep on putting effort to get something i want.what belongs to u will come to u.just want to lead a simple and happy life now!

flash back

2007-12-06T19:40:00.000+08:00

well,been addicted to tvb drama lately."the ultimate crime fighter".it is really good drama.most of the actors is my favourite .anyway,there is one part in the drama reminds me of my past.it is really painful to see the one you love taken by somebody else.only those experienced that will know how painful it is especially u have fall deep for that person.till now,i am still not sure on how i feel about "you" but few years back,i really feel the pain of losing someone i love to another person.the sad thing i can never tell "you" how i feel thus i keep everything inside my heart.i told myself to forget everything but it is really hard.anyway,time really heals.i finally manage to forget it at last.anyway to me,the most painful experience i ever had is to lose someone i love forever.i never forgot those moments.i still miss her all this while.i have no idea when i will let go,perhaps till the day i leave this world.i found it hard to accept ,i know how nature runs but it is really hard.extremely hard but i remind myself life have to go on and she is in a better place now.a lot have happen to me recently but i lazy to write everything down.time to go.adios!

life

2007-12-01T14:46:00.000+08:00

nothing much to do on saturday there decided to write blog.how you define life?bed of roses?nah,life is definitely not like that at all.at least not for me.i wish i can turn back time as i feel really happy when i was younger.no worries.my childhood was great with i got all the attention from my parents,no need to go school,kindergarten was just a place i have frens and have fun and i was a damn cheerful kid and u can see that obviously from my pics at home.what have i become now?i complained like a nanny now and u seldom can see my smile.what is worse,during my training,i cried a lot.i have no idea how much tears i had shed on my pillow and yet i still put on a mask when i face people.i do not want people to know or my parents to get worried.i seldom cry last time as my life have been smooth but right now,i always cry,i noticed i have become very weak.my heart has become very fragile where tiny matters will stab my heart really hard.i told myself to be strong and face those challenges but my mind doesnt allow me to do that and worse still,my evil dark side start to control my mind and my good side is battling hard.u always heard that good always win over evil and it does applied to my life.my good side manage to suppress my evil side for now.i have no idea when there will be a time my evil side will conquer but i do hope that wont happen.when the situition gets bad,i cant guarantee what i will do in the future.so far,i have a very firm stand on my belief and my principle.i believe in god for he is the mighty one ,i believe god will reward those kind people and bless them.i have no idea whether i am in the kind people category.will i go to heaven or hell?no one can answer that.there is a moment,i saw my loved ones with my eyes open .i wasnt dreaming.i was so happy to see her.i tot i have let go of the past but nope,i din as i cant believe it was her that i saw.yup,some of u might think i am nuts(i think that too) but the feeling was so real.at that moment,time sort of rewind back to the times i was small.she was smiling ,the same smile i saw four years ago in my dream and u know what?my eyes were still open and the past came back,i saw with my own eyes how she left me.my logical and common sense return back to me.my eyes were still open and this time,i closed my eyes and return to sleep.anyone can explain to me what have just happen?i dun think anyone can give me explaination.some of you must said,i am dreaming,or having hallucination,fantasy or whatsoever.so many things have happen,i just hope the rest of the coming days will be better.i hope the people i loved(my parents,family and frens) will stand beside me walking on this journey of life~

rule the world

2007-11-29T20:48:00.000+08:00

if u watch stardust,then u sure know this song as this is the soundtrack of this fascinating movie!.

You light the skies, up above me
A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t fade away, don’t fade away-

Oh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world-
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-

If walls break down, I will comfort you
If angels cry, oh I’ll be there for you

You've saved my soul
Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now

Oh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world-

Ooooooooh
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you
All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
[these lyrics are found on http://www.songlyrics.com]

Ooooooooh

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl
We can rule the world
Yeah you and me, we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world

All the stars are coming out tonight (oooooooh)
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-

All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you-
All the stars, are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you,for you-

me at one utama

2007-11-25T14:22:00.001+08:00

my best fren and me!

2007-11-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

this song is dedicated to my frens

2007-11-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

shining frens

A little faith,
Brightens a rainy day,
Life is difficult you can go away,
Don't hide yourself in a corner,
You have my place to stay,

Sorrow is gonna say goodbye,
Opens up,
You'll see the happy sunshine,
Keep going on with your dream,
Chasing tomorrow sunrise,
The spirit can never die,

Sun will shine, my friend,
Won't let you cry, my dear,
Seeing you shed a tear,
Make my world disappear,
You'll never be alone in darkness,

See my smile, my friend,
We are with you, holding hands,
You have got to believe you are my destiny
We're meant to be your friends,
That's what a friend should be

this song is dedicated to all my frens.i believe i have sang this song to a few of my close frens(u must be very proud,live show from me using my mic!)haha.

some pics of myself

2007-11-19T21:19:00.001+08:00

feel very much better

2007-11-19T20:44:00.000+08:00

been having a lot of problems recently.i have been keeping a lot of things inside my heart till it cant accomodate anymore.anyway,i went out with one of my best fren last sunday.well,i definitely feel very much better telling everything out.actually,i just a need a good listener.Besides this,i told my problem to a good fren of mine.i am not going to reveal here who he is(blek!)i feel really happy because i know he still care about me.i really thought he forgot about me already.before this i mention about happiness sort of overshadow my sorrow.true,it did happen but i was very lucky as i still feel the happiness now since my mood already back to normal.i finally realised how important u are to me.i might be nothing to you but to me,u are the one that brightens my day when i think o your smile.u came first on my mind when i saw a bunch of cute christmas gift when i was in sunway pyramid yesterday.i recall back all the moments we share together.i will laugh sometimes when i think of the past.u and ur cute expression and ur behavior when we watched "the brave one".well,besides u,i miss my younger sis also.though i always argue and fight with her,but i still love her.i told her before that she is my "precious".On the night i was very sad,i called my mum and she told me jolly want to reserve chocolate cake for me,i cant control my tears and cried on the phone.The reason is because i was really touched and one of the person who truly loves me is my younger sis though she might be a "monster" sometimes .oh yea,i currently a big fan of danson tang.i still a big fan of fahrenheit and of course joe cheng forever.heard fahrenheit will be in malaysia in december 1 st for S.H.E concert.i got no money to go to their concert so support mentally.hehe.attached is the picture of daNSon,wu zun and joe cheng

training

2007-11-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

well,long time din blog already.though there is internet at the place i stay but still lazy to do blogging as i felt very tired after work.from the previous entry,u can see that i paste some pictures on my jogoya trip.the food there is yummy and it is really worth it though it is a bit expensive.about my training,there are a lot of things happen everyday.the good and bad ones.the good ones i will keep as memories and the bad ones,i will take it as a lesson.i might just a weak girl who will cry easily when i encounter problems,even tiny problems but i wont just give up.i always remind myself to think positive and life have to go on though in my journey ,there are a lot of downs and sometimes,i really fall very hard but i consider myself lucky as i always got help from my parents and i will stand up again.i have shed a lot of tears and i know shedding tears doesnt help at all but tears is something i cant control but i feel much better after crying rather than keep everything inside.actually,i have been keeping a lot of things inside,things i cant reveal to others and tiny problems are just a chance that makes me go broke down.well,there are certain things that brings me joy also.what i hate the most is usually when i feel happiness and at the same time,sorrow overshadowed my happiness.why is that?why ?why ?my happiness is when "u" din forget about me and u send a sms to cheer me up when i told u about my sorrow.U were always there for me.u have been there all this while but before this,i just din realise ur existance.i wish to share all my happiness and sorrow with U but u are just too far away.well,i am looking forward to ending of training.About what happen today which actually caused me to break down,i dun wish to reveal it here (if u are a good fren of mine,u should know about what happen to me today)if anyone have my another blog address,i will update the details there.adios!

wonderful song from tsubasa chronicle

2007-11-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

kiss me sweet,
i am sleeping in silence,
all alone in ice and snow,
in my dream,i
calling your name,
u are my love,
in your eyes,
i search for my memory,
lost in vain,
so far in the scenery,
hold me tight ,
and swear again and again,
we will never be apart,
if you could touch my feathers softly,
i will give u my love,
we set sail in the darkness of the night,
out to the sea,
to find me there,
to find u there,
love me now if u dare,
kiss me sweet,
i sleeping in sorrow,
all alone,
to see u tomorrow,
in my dream,
i am calling your name,
u are my love,
my love

me and see yee

2007-11-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

from left:me,dilys and tony

2007-11-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

from left:gravin,see yee and me

2007-11-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

crab.....super nice

2007-11-05T22:56:00.000+08:00

tiramisu

2007-11-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

orange cheesecake

2007-11-05T22:46:00.000+08:00

codfish (my favourite)

2007-11-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

me and dilys...

2007-11-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

me at jogoya(star hill)

2007-11-05T22:38:00.000+08:00

haha,finally,i went to jogoya.i want to blog more but feel sleepy already so upload some pics first.when i am free,i will definitely blogged something about it

yo,wu zun!

2007-09-29T18:22:00.000+08:00

Which Fahrenheit member are you most compatible with?

You are most compatible with... Chun!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

i dun know what i want

2007-09-22T04:10:00.000+08:00

yup,my fyp presentation is finally over.dun really want to talk about it.anyway,i got a strange feeling.i am not sure what i assumed is correct or not.i will never know the truth unless i ask but i just not sure of my own feelings anymore.sometimes,i wonder,do i still have an empty space in my heart?are you the one that will help me fill up the space?i am afraid that u will be taken by others.jealousy is one of the factor of love.i definitely have a very high one.i just keep everything to myself.i scared to know the truth.the reason is i dun want to feel sad or heartbroken if the truth is not what i want to hear.some told me that u never know unless u gave it a try but i just dun have the courage or strength.well,i have other things to worry about such as find a place to stay during my itp and final exam.concentrate and focus,josephine~

tarot card reading

2007-09-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

back again

2007-09-02T00:09:00.000+08:00

few weeks din blog already.this is probably because i have a new blog but this new blog very personal so i not going to give the link to anyone.to those who found my blog ,i cant do anything about it.anyone those who found it must be strangers or those who dun know me at all.anyway,i not going to abandon this blog.just that the new blog is a place where i wrote some very personal stuff.hehe.well,my fyp still got no progress.mid term exam finally over but i still not motivated to start my work.perhaps tomorrow.wanna relax a while.been a bit stressful lately and not in a good mood.anyway,i am glad that i finally fine now.been sick quite frequently nowadays and i even lost some weight because of that.i not those type that will go diet because i am fat.i am happy with myself now so this losing weight kind of make me not happy about it.weird,right?outside people will say i very fat,lose weight is good but i dun think it that way.of course i dun want to get any fatter but i dun like this kind of lose weight because of sickness.i just want to be healthy.crossed fingers*fyp presentation is coming soon,luckily mine falls on the last day so i still got time to prepare for it.oh yea,went hiking today with my fren.really happie as i din go hiking for a very long time.i think it is ever since i learn how to play squash.it is good to sweat a bit but my stamina very bad.i feel tired after hike less than half way to the top.i glad that my fren was with me and being patient with me.seriously,i wanna keep in touch with my frens there as time is short.if dun keep in touch now,i probably see them next years as all of us will be going training.after hiking,i went dinner at subaidah.yummy,roti john hongkong.my fren treat me that.after that,i went to nurul's house.pass by mah so i tot dropped by her house for a while.chatted a while there as it has been a long time i went to their house as we din take same subjects anymore.have a great time there and came back home after that as i got no place to go also.anyway,i am really happy to go hiking and hangout in nurul's house.gtg now.sleepy!adios!

joe cheng and wu zun

2007-08-20T20:15:00.000+08:00

happie

2007-08-19T09:22:00.000+08:00

after such a long sleep,my body have rest enough and ready for challenges ahead.yea,i slept at 9 last night and woke up at 8 this morning.feeling very happy indeed.currently listening to my favourite song now.the soundtrack from the drama "summer x summer".kind of addicted to this drama till i havent study for my midterm yet which will be on 23rd august and not to mention the progress of my fyp is extremely slow.been driving a lot nowadays and i found it quite enjoyable especially driving at night and going around my house area,it creates a nice feeling.on fri night,i did that but somehow,i feel like talking someone on the car and cos cant find anyone,i decided to call my fren.he called me before that but din talk long as the line reception was bad in my room.There are so many things to talk about and after chatting,i feel relieved.the same feeling i had few years back when he was here ,studying in the same place with me.unfortunely,my good frens always never stay long beside me.fren comes and goes.luckily,with mobile phone,we still can keep in touch.Anyway,from that conversation,i discovered something i never realise before.something that has been bothering me since hols.Just glad i finally manage to clear the doubts on my mind.As for now,my main goal is to complete my fyp and graduate and enjoy life to the fullest.Before this,i have made some sacrifice of my time for the sake of my family and making myself moody all the time.My family especially my parents is always my priority and i dun mind giving up something because of them.Unfortunely,i was very wrong.My mum told me,i am still young,should do the things i like while i can and not sacrifice my youth time and become moody and worse thing,one of my family member doesnt even appreciate it.I was very down for the past two weeks as one of the person i love the most totally ignore me eventhough i have said sorry.It really hurts when the person u love ignore u,and worst still,it is one of ur family member.someone that u cant just disown or dumped that fella.I told myself,it is because her mind not yet mature but deep inside my heart,i know the truth and i just denying it.i felt really dissapointed and i cant even sleep on the night we fight and argue.Because of "kek sam" and falling sick ,i lost some weight also.unbelievable,right?i only gained weight and never lost weight before this except when i was in form 4.lost 2 kg in total which is a lot already to me.well,anyhow,i reliased i cant do anything and i cant think of a solution to the problem also.no point thinking ,i might as well live happily.

oh yea,currently,one of my new idol is joe cheng.strange,i simply love his hands.very nice indeed.hehe.and definitely his smile also.he has cut his hair short and i love both long haired and short haired joe cheng.love all his drama which are it started with a kiss and summer x summer.My favourite idol is still wu zun .recently,he opened his 2nd gym which is a very big one which includes basketball court ,swimming pool and many other facilities.loaned 10 million from the bank so u have the idea how big his gym is in brunei.i really admired this kind of attitude.doing ur own bussiness with your own effort without depending on ur family(his family is freaking rich).being involved in showbiz doesnt last forever thus those superstar should involved with something that u have interest in and can make money.one of the good example is jackie chan.he has his own fitness centre too which is california fitness.when i went to sunway pyramid two weeks ago,he opened another branch there.keep it up,jackie chan and wu zun!wah,my breakfast still havent finish.wanna concentrate on it now.ciao

cut hair and shaped eyebrow

2007-08-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

holidays has come to an end and if u wanna ask how is my hols,well,all i can said is my hols are ok or so so only.I have been doing housework such as cooking and going to market.din go out with frens at all and i spend most of my time with my parents when they are around at home.good girl leh?hehe.well,something did happen during the hols.i have a huge fight with my younger sis.yup,u heard me correctly,it is FIGHT.not only argue but she beat me as well.It was really hurtful as i love my younger sis a lot.i told myself to forgive her and she is just a immature kid.i refuse to accept the truth.u see,i like to analyse people and from their actions,i know what kind of person they are.same goes with my younger sis.i was really dissapointed but like what my mum said,cant do anything,takkan disown her meh?there are other things happen as well but i dun wish to say it here.yay,the happy thing is i finally brought the car here to malacca.It took me a long time to persuade and convince my mum.Being a responsible daughter,i dare not take the car out much.wanna save petrol.besides that,i not that familiar with the roads also.i cant afford to let anything happen to the car.as long as no scratches,my mum said it is ok.anything,must inform her and i tried my best to be honest with her.The reason i brought this car is for my convinience when it rains or at night.this is what i told my mum and i always keep my word.Thus ,when she ask me not to go here and there ,i have promised her.well,i guess my fren din know about this and have been asking me to go here and there.midterm is coming,exams soon,fyp presentation also soon,i really dare not go here and there .scared if i failed,this will be the reason i failed...bring car and go here and there lepak.damn worried i cant pass or do well.been lagging behind a lot already in studies.stupid sore throat bothering me also.oh yea..went to cut hair and shaped eyebrow today.weather hot and my eyebrow is not nice cause people to bully me so i decided to ask the auntie to shaped it for me.my mum ask me to do embroidery (eyebrow permanent) like my elder sis.the cost is around rm400 last time my sis did hers.Mum agree to sponsor already but to me,it is not the money but i scared.damn painful one.i saw sparks the last time i went with my elder sis to do her eyebrow.i heard some people said if do not nice,instead of making life better,it become worse.that why i dun shaped my eyebrow permanently.at least,the eyebrow will grow back one if not nice of whatsoever.sleepy alreaDY.nitez!

weekend arrive!

2007-07-27T09:36:00.000+08:00

yup,time pass really fast.finally i got hold of myself once again.problems solved except fyp.until now,i still havent fix the parameters of my BP network.been delaying it only.glad that there is one more lab left only.looking forward to go home next week.unfortunely,i wont be able to go back home early as i need to wait for my dad to come all the way to mlk to fetch me as i need to bring a lot of my stuff back home this time due to i will be moving out of my house end of this sem.so,gonna bring some stuff back.u have no idea how much the stuff i had in my room right now.like some kind of rubbish dump.well,something awaits me at home.yup,u got it right.it is a band new lcd tv waiting for me to launch!haha.not because my dad doesnt know how to install it,it just that i have the privillage to do it so right now,it is still in the box waiting for me to come back.back at home,in my room,i got a change of bed also as my double bed is damn old and this time,my parent's previous bed is mine now.hehe...actually,i been sleeping in double bed since from baby till 15 years old.change to single bed thanks to my younger sis and suddenly,last year,she wants my single bed so switch back double bed and right until now,still double bed.oh yea...i sleeping in single bed here in mmu.what to do?no money...i hate the mattress here also.again even though i bought the mattress here,it is also because wanna save money.come here in mmu only i realise how comfortable the bed in my house are.all provided by my beloved daddy,giving us the best.his birthday coming soon,planned to bring him out to "makan" as he loves food.miss him terribly.my dad is different from those strict looking dad.he loves to joke around like a small kid and his children all not scared of him but to me,i respect him and in my heart,he is always the best looking man.yup,love my daddy and my mummy very much
time to go class...come back here later

a fast turnaround

2007-07-25T22:22:00.000+08:00

i dun know what is happening to me.i feel lost again.i dun know what to do or what i should do.i just feel like shutting down everything.gave up everything.i dun want to face reality.this kind of feeling really scares me deep down.i feel scared,very scared.it is like my world is getting darker and i am all alone standing on it.i have become scared of sleeping also.each time i asleep,there is a feeling of dun want to wake up again.yesterday,i took a nap and i din want to wake up but somehow,i become scared cos when i open my eyes,my room look so dark.i am afraid of the dark so i got up immediately.at that moment,i wonder what will happen if i never open my eyes and continue sleeping.it is the fear of dark that made me woke up.seriously,i just want to go home.staying here any longer will make me insane.really looking forward to go home next week.actually,i should feel happy because u were always there when i need u but unfortunely,i still feel lost eventhough u tried to help me.i do understand u have ur own life and cant always be there for me but there are times,i really need ur support.it really hurts when i think of the reality and the truth.i try to forget everything and continue with life but it is really not easy.i think it is something like "tou tou ai"feelings that can never exposed to the public.it will always remain in my heart.gosh,what am i talking about?no idea...lost lost in my own dark world!

as long as u stay beside me,it is enough

2007-07-22T16:31:00.000+08:00

yup,repeating title.this is because this statement implies in my life right now.hehe.really happy today because "u" are finally back to my side again and u know what?it is really enough for me.i am not scared of anything as long as i know u are always there and on my side supporting me.thanks a lot,now only i know how important "u " are to me.u are the one who give me strength and courage.yay!indeed,i am full of strength now and once again,"u" are walking on my side along my journey.sometimes,i think i am being immature as i get angry with u easily,but this is because i care for "u" a lot.i hope we can remain like this forever and ever.hehe..

as long as u stay beside me,it is enough

2007-07-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

i think this statement is very common but each and everyone got their own defined meaning of this statement.basically,it depends on u refer to who.your family,your frens or your beloved and etc.for me,it is definitely my family especially my mum.it is not that my dad is not as important as my mum,just that his role is not that into giving support to me in the aspect of life but he plays an important role as well.i still remember the time,he help me to wipe out the sweat on my shoulders when i was small till i was in form 2.i was always sick when i was small and my asthma will attack sometimes and my dad was the one take care of me.my childhood was a bit different from other child as i have been admitted to hospital before when i was about 4 years old.i still remember the experience up till now.there were holes on my tiny hand because of the injection and also tubes.i have even experienced putting those oxygen mask on my nose.i was very lucky to be alive.i hate to see doctors as i have no idea how many doctors i have see when i was small.i hate nurses too as during my stay at the hospital,those nurses were bad and show some kind of fierce look and those expression of them have stay inside my heart all this while thus creating hatred towards them.well,enough of those horrible experience and back to our topic.
yup,my mum is the one that always stay beside me and it is really enough for me.as for the special someone,currently,there isnt anyone in my heart yet.cant find anyone mah,what to do?no one wants me...sob sob..if u have read my previous post,i mentioned i was really dissapointed with someone and anyhow,i already forgot that person.yup,u hear me correctly,it was all in the past.i have been hanging on that person for a long time,approximately four years,tears i have been shed and all those things i have done ,it is all in the past and i dun wish to think of it anymore.totally erased from my life and this time,no more tears will be shed.i finally realised it is not worth it at all.i wanna live my life to the fullest and spend each day happily.ciao

finally get hold of myself again!

2007-07-21T10:53:00.000+08:00

yup,after a long sleep,i feel very much better today compare the past few days.been sick almost a week already.ate medicine only till i sick of it plus those medicine make my body weaker somemore and always sweating.luckily,fever and flu gone and left only cough.hopefully,i will recover 100% and back to my old self again.i have to stand strong and face challenges ahead of me with full confidence.lying on the bed all this time has lower down my fighting spirit and somehow,my soul was taken away and thats why i feel down,scared,wanna give up and want to sleep forever.Right now,my soul is back with me and my mind ,my heart and my whole body gain back its strength to continue what i have started!go go!

tired in the aspect of mentally

2007-07-20T12:11:00.000+08:00

if u notice ,i have been blogging quite frequently compare to last time.not because i have a lot of free time to blog but because i dun know where else to talk to so blogging is the best way to express myself.not much people will read my blog as i dun simply give my blog address to anyone because here lies 70% of me and my feelings and 30% is the secrets i kept inside my heart.been sick since monday and till now also not yet recover.i have being sick as there are lots of things i cant do.somehow,getting sick this time is a bit different from last time as i feel really tired.tired in the aspect of mentally.my mind has been fighting along all this while telling me not to give up and live each day happily but this time,my mind kind of lost its strength.there are times when i wanna give up everything but my parents and my frens were the ones that support me and make me stand up again but unfortunely,this time,there was no one.not even my parents.i dun blame them as they are very busy and they are so far away from me.i understand,seriously i do.just that i hate walking on this journey alone.there are so many things i have to do it myself and i kind of sick of it.i am just too tired to carry on.may i gain back my strength and confidence soon!

tou tou ai

2007-07-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

those who understand mandarin,i sure u understand my title above means.have u been secretly loving someone?come to think of it,i been doing that for a very long time.i realised i never confessed my love to anyone before.not officially anyway.i think the three letter word is very hard to say it out especially from a girl to a guy she love.However,i always say "i love u" to my family members.it is not difficult at all as that kind of love is different.recently,i watched "hanakimi" and i noticed quan always touched ruixi's hair.it is a sign that the guy like the girl(according to a fren of mine)i never realised that at one time,there are a few people like to touch my hair.i wonder "u" really love me that much because u are the first to touch my hair.if got chance,i really wanna say "sorry" to "u" because i never mean to hurt u.i believe in fate so if we bump to each other again,i will say sorry to u.oh yea,currently,my latest idol is wu zun and fahrenheit also.what capture me to like wu zun is not just his good looks and cute face but it is his personality as well.though he came from a very rich family background(his family is in the top 10 richest family in brunei) but he never depend on his family financial to open his own fitness centre.all his money came from his own hard work and he borrowed money from the bank also for fitness zone.this is something i really admire about him.he is different from other artist too as his blog got two version that is mandarin and english version.but he usually wrote english version first(that means he prefer to use english)very considerate of him and i love the way he speak english also.i cant wait for fahrenheit's second album cos i decided to buy the original one.i love most of the songs on their first album.jiro's voice attracted me also.
anyway,dun know why my health deteriorate nowadays.caught flu and fever and monday and till now also,havent recover.haih.mum said i sick every single week.come to think of what she said,i found it is quite true also.first week,i got cough then my hand pain and now fever and flu.what is wrong?i have no idea.

it is over

2007-07-14T02:11:00.000+08:00

i guess it is a sign that it is the end. i lost the thing u gave to me and i dun even know when i lost it.i dun know what to do but i know as time goes,all that remains is memories ...

silent thoughts

2007-06-28T20:33:00.000+08:00

yea,after home alone for two days,i suddenly realise being alone is not that bad.you think i am weird,right?well,i dun care anymore what people think of me.it is only me in my own world of happiness.after all this while,i am like an alien in reality.i enjoy being alone in a quiet surrounding.somehow,i dun really like to talk also.dun misunderstood,it is not because of the drama series i watch "silence" but this movie makes me realise what i want to do.sometimes,i wonder what are the things i want to do if i am going to die.death is something most people fear but in my point of view,we dun know what will happen tomorrow.my second thoughts is to withdraw all my money out and spend it on food and other stuff i like.what is the first thing that come across my mind if i will die soon?yea,the first thing came up is my parents and i will do the things i never dare to do/said.For example,telling to that special person how much i love you and i want to hug you forever.And also to my crush as well about how much i hated you for making me suffer and cry at night.haha.sometimes,i think of the past and each time i think about my "po po",it still hurts though four years have passed.if i pass all my exams,i will graduate and how much i wish you were there.no matter what happens,you will always remain in my memories.i finally found back my goals.been lost for the past few days.i really miss home and i want to go home.miss my doggie also.cant sleep well cos think too much but i hope tonight,i will sleep well as i have determination to let go all the troublesome things.good nite!

lessons of life

2007-06-26T20:09:00.000+08:00

i cant believe how long i din update this blog.yup,it is probably because of the engsoc blog last sem.i have learn a lot through experience and what i been through for the past few months.sad to say that i only saw sunset and i cant see sunrise.the clouds are probably overshadowing the sunrise.cant get my meaning?well,it is just to represent my thoughts.sometimes,i wonder what i did wrong.i am not perfect but there are some people who happens to be so damn hipokrit.people that claim to be my frens.if i recall correctly,i have a fren that is close to me at one time and this fren of mine use my weakness against me in the end.i treated that person as a fren and told some of my secrets and instead of understand,those stuff i said is used as a weapon against me.how time flies.one more year and if i am lucky and pass everything,i will graduate.i have the same feeling when i left mgs,and that is glad because i cant wait for this day to come.yea,some might ask me"will you miss your university life?"i dun deny there are happy moments but those sad moments overshadow everything.same goes with my school life.No one really understands me.i have told my frens some of my problems with the hope they will understand but instead in their mind,"oh,she is just one hell of a stressful girl"i still remember when dr lim mention students that face problem should take leave,and guess what?my frens pointed at me.i finally understood that in life,some things are not meant to be shared.it is ok,i learn something from that day.never trust anyone,except your parents.well,those are lessons i learn and i hope i will learn more as time passed.

at the staircase

2007-02-08T14:15:00.000+08:00

me again.....

at the staircase...

2007-02-08T14:10:00.000+08:00

me and my cousins

wedding dinner at heritage hotel ballroom

2007-02-08T14:08:00.000+08:00

it is me...during the wedding dinner at night...

joyce's wedding tea ceremony

2007-02-08T13:51:00.000+08:00

my elder sis wedding.....she and her beloved hubby(leong)..me and her frens during the tea ceremony

never feel better

2007-02-05T09:11:00.000+08:00

morning,what a wonderful monday morning with a damn good weather outside.With great music around me,seriously,i feel so happie and relax.i dun deny that i have been thinking about "you" lately on my mind ,wondering when i can forget all those past.I know it takes time but i am sure i can do it.i did it once and i am sure i can do it again.well,new year ahead and time to think ahead and put down the past,right?well,i cant wait to go back home to see my monster younger sis(though she is a monster and detroyer but i love her all the same) and my beloved parents and not to forget my beloved scottie.miss them so much though i only back to mlk for one week.you know what?i feel so happie now so i think i wanna keep everything as it is now.no more changes.yea,i clean my room at last.it looks very much better now.will upload some pic of it soon so stay tune!sayonara!

hello 2007

2007-02-03T10:00:00.000+08:00

wow,cant believe how long i din blog here.another thing is this is my first post in the year 2007.yup,happy new year 2007 to the year og the pig.oink oink!oink oink!haha.new year,new resolutions of course.i hope to achieve all of the of course.brand new year,brand new start.well,exam passed and results out.i din do that well.haih.a lot of my frens did better than me.nevermind,to me,failure is just one of the step to success.aint going to give up.last sem,din do enough preparation because of elder sis wedding.cant do anything cos her wedding near to the final exam.oh yea,this year 2007,a new member join my beloved family.thats my bro in law(no longer future bro in law).well,nothing much about him.just a very tall(compare to my height)and mature guy.hometown is in kuala kangsar,working in kl.till now,i cant really accept him as a new member of the family cos it takes time for me to accept someone in the family.yea,i am a bit sensitive and very protective especially towards my parents.holidays has been really great,indeed a very relaxing one with my routine,wake up,sleep,eat and watch tv.i did went out once with my frens at night and my mum doesnt really like the idea.i bake a chocolate cake with chocolate layer at the top using cooking chocolate and it taste really good(according to my monster younger sis)i also spend some time to try to make chicken floss roll and it is just 50% success only.will ask other people on how to make it some other time.maybe my method is wrong.another thing is i fetch my sis back from school if she stayback.maybe some of you dun know that i cant drive well(it means i have driving license but cant take the car here and there)so it is an achievement.my mum mention that i can take the car there(woo hoo)but i told her not now cos i dun really see the necessity of bring it here.anyway,it means when i want the car,i can ask anytime and she will definitely allow.hehe....maybe on first sem on final year,that also if my house got parking.recently,i have a new housemate and he has a car so he parks the car inside of course.no parking,maybe i wont bring the car here cos i dun really like the idea leaving my car outside the house.though it is not my car and it is my parents,i think it is very selfish if i dun take care of it.hmmm....i feel very happy now cos the burden on my shoulder was very heavy before this and i let go of it.so it is very light and i feel really relax without have to worry so much.i not going to give the details here about it.before this,i have to worry about this and that and you know what?the strange thing is those are not even my problems.i tired of doing that and i cant stand it anymore.i think i did the correct thing by telling that person frankly not to bother me anymore with his problems.luckily now gone liao.aiks....time to go!

flashback

2006-12-27T14:57:00.000+08:00

the year 2006 going to end soon.....bye 2006 and hello 2007...soonlah.somehow,this morning,sitting in front of my pc,i cant help it but think of "you".four years have passed(its really a very long time) but your image is still on my mind.those happy moments still very fresh on my mind.i still cant figure out what happen between you,me and our gang.i guess i will never figure that out.when was the last time i saw you?i think it is one year ago at tesco.you look at me and i look at you but none of us approach each other.how old are you now?ah ha..22...i knew you when you were 18 years old.i like the way you talked,your smile,your jokes.i think one of the happiest moment that you are in my mind is one day before i departed to melaka to further my studies in mmu.i still remember me,you,ch,yp, went to town pizza hut and you pay for our meal.then we met s.kean at kfc with san.we walked to the park and play under the rain.really like small kids.there we took some pictures(i still have them with me now..hehe)and we went jj after that.at the food court,we talk non stop and tease each other.i was really happy that time.no stress and no need to worry a single thing.how i wish those moments can come back but i know things changed.everyone went to a different path.all of you(km,sk,lsk,ch,yp,san) once walk with me in my journey and right now,all of you no longer there...but only memories remain.there is nothing i can do except i wish all of you obtain happiness.i cant predict the future but when i refresh back to my past,the memories i have with you all is one of the best i ever had and i have no regrets getting to know all of you.as the new year coming,i have few resolutions.firstly,wish my parents healthy always and secondly,hope to get good results in my studies and the list goes on.haha...thats all for now.sleepy liao

seduction style

2006-12-26T22:08:00.000+08:00

woke up in the morning and realise...

2006-12-20T11:51:00.000+08:00

when i woke up this morning,i realise we are from two different world insignificantly.our thoughts are completely different.we seldom agree on anything anymore.I guess both of us have change as the time passed.The past can never return and so is the feeling.You tell me your stories and i tell mine and we both listen only to what each other saying.i dun have anymore personal opinion when you tell me something.i just listen and listen.yup,this indicate my "mind" has won once and for all.and you know what?my heart starts to agree on my mind too.well,i guess it is time to move on.my journey of life still continues....and as i walk down the path,i am sure i will meet a lot of different people."You" once have walk with in the journey and now,you still do but just that not that close.there is a distance.for now,i still walking with my parents(nearest to me) while others are walking in a distance with me.However,i feel happy my parents were there..and as usual,the feeling of safety and happiness is there.thats all for now..

while walking on the rain

2006-12-19T00:54:00.000+08:00

Something came out of my mind when i was walking on the rain today.somehow,i miss my family a lot.i wish to thank god for blessing them with good health.well,they are most precious treasure and the only ones that sincerely love me.When i have the ability to take care of them,i will protect them at any cost.I wont let anyone (not even my own family ) to hurt them in any way.I miss my grandma anyway,though it has been three years she left me .i know she is in a better place now,she has return to her lord,her saviour.i respect her for what she was,for everything she has done for me.the memory of her shall remain forever in my mind.As for my another grandma,i dun really wanna talk about her except she is a stranger to me.While i was walking on the rain,i thought of my life too.From positive to negative side.well,at that moment,i wish i have a car so that i wont have to walk under the rain with my umbrella(i still get wet).so charm...It reminds me what my fren told me the other day.this fren of mine din know how lucky she is.her life is kind of ok to me.father provide her with a car to go here and there,mum cooks at home,never have to budget herself and yet she complain about her family protecting her.she have no idea the life outside her own sweet home and hometown.she even do her training at her father's firm.i wonder she have any idea on working outside.Kids nowadays are very lucky.some stay at home during holidays without working.Parents over protective.Ended up,they dun know the tough world outside.Once they went to work after graduate,then only they realise how hard it is to earn money.well,i learn those kind of hardship of earning money quite early compare to others.It is not that i am not good in my studies or i am from a poor family,but my mother want me and my sister to be independant and learn something from working experience and indeed i have learn a lot.I have face complaints from customer and learn how to deal with them,manager asking me to go to his office(getting bullied) and i met all kind of people.oh yea,one more thing,punctuality.i notice a lot of people not punctual(my frens).i think the reason why is because they never realise the consequences.well,when you work,not punctual,consequences is severe.I am not complaining about my life,just that i have face some hardships which i know it is just the beginning and the journey is still very long but i count my blessings at the same time.before i went to bed,i wanna thank god for everything.nitez!

love this one the most..cute penguin

2006-12-15T17:24:00.000+08:00

Myspace Codes: MyNiceSpace.com

love the bears

2006-12-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

Myspace Codes: MyNiceSpace.com

santa claus...

2006-12-15T17:17:00.000+08:00

Myspace Codes: MyNiceSpace.com

my favourite christmas animation

2006-12-15T17:16:00.000+08:00

Myspace Codes: MyNiceSpace.com

2006-12-15T17:11:00.000+08:00

Myspace Codes: MyNiceSpace.com

christmas decoration

2006-11-29T02:44:00.000+08:00

christmas deco at mp..nice right?love the tree and snowman...

2006-11-29T02:42:00.000+08:00

me at mahkota parade....nice christmas decoration especially the snowman....frosty the snowman...